Wakililala

Holding back: Chapter 9

2009-08-27T23:14:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder to myself is it really true that wad you see with your own eye is really the truth? Why was it that she choose Junjie instead of me? Was it by chance or was it fate that brought Michelle and me together? Even if I wanted to find the answer, I know that it would just be impossible; I am no god.

"Hey there babe, was in the shower just now. Was there anything you wanted to tell me just now?"

Everything between Michelle and me was just going great, but sometimes you wonder; is great really a good thing? We've been together for around three months now but even so sometimes I feel that I don't really know her as well as I should. Even if everyone tells me that we are really suitable for each other, there is just that divide that's just there.

Waiting for her message to come, I just sat in my living room and mindlessly watch the tv. A few minutes later her reply came. Telling me that she just wanted to meet at the coffeshop we usually huant, I told her that I'd be there in round five minutes.

"Hey dear! Eh.. Why do you look like you've not been sleeping for days?"

Trying to change to another subject, I told her it was because of the projects that were going to be due soon. We ordered our dinner and continue chatting like we usually do.

"..hey Yiwei, you know this guy Lawrence from our Thursday's module? So Charlene says that he's interested in getting to know me. I just laughed my way out of that. Haha.. "

"So I now have rival for my girl?"

Telling me that he had no chance what so ever Michelle said softly as though talking to herself, "Are you jealous?"

Telling her that that was definitely not the case, I continued feasting on my meal.

"Micelle, have I been a good boyfriend to you and be honest."

With a frown, she told me that she never regretted like me and also had the best time with me. Smiling, she told me not to think so much.

Finishing our food and having a short stroll around our neighbourhood we decided to head home. While sending Michelle home, she suddenly hugged my arm and placed her head on my shoulder and said in a whisper, "I wish we can stay like this as long as possible. I really enjoy being your girl Yiwei."

Stopping there I gave her a hug and told her that I really enjoy being with her too.

Walking home, I wondered to myself whether I made the right choice? I do like Michelle but why do I still feel confused? Can I just stop thinking so much like what she told me and just be happy with her.

I want to be happy with her...

2009-07-30T01:11:00.000+08:00

Red rose draft 3

2009-07-02T15:56:00.001+08:00

“You know, I am not here to kill you; I really do have nothing else better to do and thought that it would be fun following you and giving you a scare, but judging from the way you are looking at me it seems that I not only gave you a good scare. Haha, I am usually not this talkative either.”

Not being able to talk, move or even think all I could do is stare back at her. Her smile never failed to stay on her perfect face. Opening my mouth and closing it again in hesitance, she smiled even brighter and told me just speak my mind.

Seeing as I was still hesitant to speak she said, “Mmm, you do know that I won’t bite you. Just ask anything you want; my age, what am I, how I got here faster than you? Anything that comes to mind; by the way my name is Roselle Knowls, just call me Rose.”

The first thing that came to my lips were why her eyes were such I fierce shade of ruby red. Looking at me like that was the simplest piece in the jigsaw puzzle she said in a neutral matter-of-fact tone that she wasn’t human.

“Don’t you know that it is considered very rude when a lady introduces herself to you and you just ignore it? Isn’t it only polite to introduce yourself to her; even in this generation?” Blushing like an idiot, I told her that my name was Zacarius Archer or Zac for short.

Testing out my name out loud, she finally nodded her auburn head and said she would call me Mr. Archer instead, but while she said that she did not once look up at me. I wonder what she was thinking of.

“Eh, Rose? Are you alright?” I seem to be missing something very important in this conversation.

Interrupting my chain of thought she replied saying that it was something unimportant.

“Oh, look at the time I’ve gotta run. See you around Mr. Archer.” Spinning around to look at how late it was I saw that it was already a quarter past five in the morning; wanting to ask her how she was going to get home, I was just staring into the emptiness of my room.

Noticing something on my side table I picked it up. It was a simple note written in an incredibly beautiful handwriting saying, “This isn’t a dream Mr. Archer.” And sign off with a lipstick make at the bottom.

What the hell? Who was this girl that can just come and go as she like and really, what was she?

Red rose draft 2

2009-06-28T03:43:00.000+08:00

“W, who are you? And how did you manage to get into my house?”

Smiling at me with such a casual matter-of-fact look, she said in a whisper the door was wide open.

Taking a step back in fear of this girl who was sitting on my bed, I noticed that there was something wrong with her printed t-shirt; it wasn’t printings at all but instead blood stains! Did she come to my house to have me killed like that last person whose blood still remains ever present on her t-shirt?

Trying to calm myself down I asked her, “Then what are you doing here?”

Still smiling, she told me that she had nothing else better to do and decided to stalk her stalker.

Realizing that she was referring to me, my heart skipped a beat. How did she manage to... no wait, am I having a dream? This has got to be a dream. Everything just doesn’t make any sense; the way she got into my room, the reason why and most importantly the way she looks; high cheek bones with blush cheeks, lushes lips and fiercely ruby red eyes that seems to be set on fire. To say it simply she’s a beauty and truly one-of-a-kind.

Without even thinking I asked her whether this was a dream.

She burst into a fit of laughter. A moment later she noticeably tries not to laugh and said “Does my stalker regret stalking me now that I’m the one stalking instead?”

“Oh, you noticed the blood on my t-shirt huh?”

Was that the only thing that seems weird to her? What about breaking into my house? Come on wake up; got to try closing my eyes. WAKE UP!

Smelling her perfume getting stronger I knew that she was getting closer to me she broke the silence by whispering into my ear, “You know, closing your eyes won’t change a thing.”

Resigning to my fate I opened my eyes to see an amused looking girl looking at me.

Red rose draft 1

2009-06-22T02:13:00.002+08:00

When the gear of destiny starts spinning, there is no sure way of telling when it’ll ever stop spinning. Even if it was just for a moment, misfortune or incredible luck could be the result and even so, the impact of that destiny can last for as long as a life time.

No matter how much I regret what I’ve done nothing will bring you back…
How much longer do I need to wait till I am back in your arms…?
Is this my punishment for what I’ve done to you…?

22st June xx09
Roaming aimlessly around the city in the early hours of the new morning, I stopped to notice that there was someone standing alone outside a pub looking around as if she was looking for someone.

“Who could have been so evil to leave a girl outside of a pub?” I wondered to myself unconsciously. Taking a closer look at her I noticed that she was just simply gorgeous; she might have just been in a simple white printed t-shirt and skinny jeans but her features just stood out. Without a doubt she has to be one of the prettiest girls I have seen in my life; with her long naturally wavy auburn hair, lushes lips and smoldering eyes, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

Getting closer to her I noticed that she was holding onto something small and shiny, thinking it was just her handphone I decided not to go any closer, not wanting to disturb her from whatever conversation she was having. Even so I couldn’t bear taking my eyes off her; turning around to get a last look at her I noticed that she was not longer in front of the pub. Cursing on my bad luck I decided that maybe it was a sign that I should just head home and worry about not being able to take my ‘eyes’ off my work a bit later in the day.

One more corner and I’ll be back home; making the last turn I noticed something in one of my bikes side mirrors; it was the same girl I saw in front of the pub just now. But how can that be? This is not right, even if it was just coincidence it was impossible because from the way she looked in the mirror, she seemed to have the same look as she did in front of the pub. Starting to get freaked out I tried not to think so much about it, maybe it was just my eyes playing tricks on me since I was already very tired.

Getting off my bike I did not once looked back on my way home. Reaching for my key and having a sense of relief that I was just one step home, I stopped dead in my tracks. I sensed something standing behind me, there was also a light scent of floral perfume in the background. How can that be possible, if there was someone behind me, I would definitely have seen the person walk behind me since there is only one lift and one corridor to my house.

All my senses told me that I should not even think about turning around, instead it told me ‘get into your house quick’. Pushing in my key and turn it, I was glad that it gave no resistance and work like it should. Without a moments hesitance I reached for my lights and locked my door. My heart start beating like there’s no tomorrow, I could still smell the perfume but now even stronger. Spinning towards the scent even with every warning from every cell of my body I noticed that it was just some scents my sister was burning in her pot. Sighing with relief and a bit of disappointment quickly took off my shoes. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day; I don’t need to give myself a good scare just before I go to sleep. Laughing at my stupidity I walked to my room.

“What took you so long?” said the girl from the pub. I froze not knowing what to do. Please, please tell me this is a dream..

2009-05-07T00:55:00.002+08:00

I know that this blog seems dead, which is true, but i will be continuing the story in a few days time. To the people who read it i am sorry that chapter 9 took so long, i jus didn't have the right set of mind to get the story moving; excuses aside, the next post will be out soon.. =]]

To Kelvin Foo!! CONGRATS ON YOUR MARRIAGE!!!=]] Kelvin has been a friend, mentor and oso someone i look up to and i am very honored to have witness your marriage.. =]] kakakaka.... I think i have found someone too...

Ok ok enough of my nonsense... THE POST WILL BE UP IN A FEW DAYS!

Holding back: Chapter 8

2008-12-28T14:15:00.004+08:00

Sometimes when there are too many to choose from sometimes the best choice would be just choosing the one that catches your eye first? Maybe for some situations but not all I guess.

“Ah… there aren’t many movies to watch. Why not you choose? I’ll be fine with anything; even if you don’t want to watch any.” Damn I am useless; bring her to the movies when there isn’t much to watch. I feel like shooting myself.

“I think I want to watch. Err… how about the one with Keanu Reeves? Doesn’t look that bad?”

Paying for the tickets, we still had about twenty minutes before the movie starts deciding to go MacDonald’s to get an ice-cream.

It was quite hard for me to believe that I am actually with Michelle, what more I held her hand. I guess I do enjoy being with her from long ago but I never expected this. Even though we might still feel a bit awkward together, it felt good to be going out with someone that actually likes me for me.

“Michelle? I’m sorry that I am so lousy at starting up a conversation. I know I can be boring at times. Sorry.”

Looking at me with an angry look she said, “Why is it that you always look down on yourself Yiwei?” looking a bit softer, “I’m sorry, but I like you like that, you don’t have to always think about what to say next you know? Even I don’t know what to say sometimes. I just feel happy you know?” holding my hand a bit tighter, “you know, I didn’t even expect myself to kiss you yesterday, it just happened. Haha and I’m just glad I did.”

Squeezing her hand back, I told her that I was sorry again and gave her a screwed look and a salute saying yes ma’am. Starting to laugh again I thought to myself, maybe this is for the best; I mean we are both happy with each other and there was nothing holding us back.

Reaching MacDonald's, I asked her what she wanted ordering, I felt my mobile vibrate. Taking it out of my pocket I saw that Weiqi called. I panicked.

“Err… sorry Michelle I got to take this phone call, wait for me awhile.”

“Weiqi?” saying her name with a weird tone.

“Am I disturbing you Yiwei? I hope I am not. I just called to tell you that I got discharged from the hospital. Haha, see you soon?”

Telling her that that was good we wished each other goodbye I hung the call.

Walking to Michelle, she asked me who that was. Telling her that it was one of my friends getting discharged from the hospital, she asked me whether it was Weiqi, feeling a bit shocked I asked her how she knew who it was. She told me that almost the whole school knew that she fainted on Friday and that I sent her to the hospital. Asking if she was alright, I told her that she just fainted because of exhaustion.

Damn, why do I have to feel so guilty all of a sudden? Breathe idiot, breathe!

Finishing our ice-cream, she said, “I think we should go up soon our movie’s gonna start soon.”

While going up, I knew that something was wrong because for one thing was that she didn’t talk to me and the silence was starting to get very awkward.

Calling her name, I asked her if the call was bothering her. Shaking her head, she said that I was thinking too much into it.

Sitting at our seats, I couldn’t help think that whatever thought that were swimming in her head, it would be thought that I know was bothering her. She didn’t talk much less even held my hand after the call. Why did I have to panic? Why did I have to ruin a perfect day?

“Can you stop thinking and start pampering me? I want popcorn, POPCORN!” she started hammering on my arm with her fist while smiling.

“Ok, ok! Ouch, I’m going! Relax popcorn on the way!” turning to face her, “Michelle? I like you too.”

Passing the popcorn to her, she lifted the armrest to sit closer to me.

Halfway through the movie I could tell that she wasn’t really paying attention to the movie because she was really very fidgety; more like she was playing with me throughout the movie, but seriously the movie was very boring that I didn’t mind at all. Feeding me popcorn, holding my hand, throwing popcorn around and lots more weird but funny stuff.

“Yiwei, how much longer is the movie?”

“About an hour more I think? You’re not enjoying the movie huh?”

Laughing sheepishly she said, “Yea, lousy choice of a movie huh? Haha...”

Putting my arm around her, I brought her closer to me, bringing my face closer to hers I told her to close her eyes, kissing her forehead I moved down to her lips. Tasting her soft sweet lips, I started kissing her with more passion.

Snuggling closer to each other, she softly said "more…"

HELLO PEEPS! Sorry this chapter took such a long time, it's one of the most difficult chapters i had to do, editting was a bitch.. hahaha.. the story will have its twist and turns.. hope you guys like it, but till den stay tuned!!!!!!! =]]

Holding back: Chapter 7

2008-12-20T22:44:00.002+08:00

Walking her home, it was really very awkward. I didn’t know the reason why I had kissed her back. I knew that I was kissing Michelle but could the reason be because I wanted someone else? My life is in a mess.

“That’s really near my house. How come I never see you on the bus or around my area?”

“That’s simple to answer, I just moved her like a year ago. And my dad usually drives me to and from school. And it’s because you don’t notice me most of the time; but I do.”

Wow, I must really be blind. Michelle might be a very talkative girl but she has an attractive side as well; looking at her now, I realized that she has a beautiful smile that just makes me want to smile when I look at her. She might be in her PJs, a simple black tank top and long pants, but…

WHAT AM I THINKING ABOUT HERE! Stop it Yiwei, control yourself.

“Err… I’ll send you upstairs?”

Telling me it wasn’t necessary, she pecked my cheek and went into the lift. Waving at her, she smiled and wave back.

What’s going on here? How did I, a person who was no one, become so wanted? Walking home I realized that I was actually smiling; I was actually happy.

Checking my phone in the morning, I noticed that I received two messages, one from Weiqi and the other from Michelle; Weiqi asked me why hadn't I woke her up and also apologized for not waiting for me, as for Michelle, she wished me good morning. Replying both of them, I proceeded to make breakfast for myself.

Even before I could start on my preparations for breakfast, I heard my mobile. Seeing that Michelle had replied my message saying that she was hungry and that no one was home at the moment. Deciding what to reply her, I went to look for some ‘nicer than usual’ clothes to wear. Deciding on a plain tee-shirt and Bermuda, I replied her message asking to have breakfast instead of staying home and stone.

A replying came soon after asking me whether I could give her around fifteen minutes to get ready, telling her to take her time and that I’d meet her at her lift lobby. For some reason I was feeling a mix of excitement and also anxiousness, I wanted to go out with her.

Walking to her block, I saw that she was already there waiting for me. Waving at her I smiled; walking towards me she said hello with a shy look on her face. She looked cute with her hair tied up and in her outfit, shorts and a short-sleeved blouse; I’d not expected myself to say this but she was actually very pretty. Having just been casual friends, I never really took notice in her but right now, she really did look different.

Asking her what she was hungry for, she told me that she wanted to eat chicken rice; we decided to go to a nearby coffee shop to get her chicken rice. On the way to the coffee shop I asked her why she liked me, telling her that I was such a boring person.

“Err… are you always so gloomy? I had a crush on you back in year one when you help me answer a question that I had no idea how to answer. I guess I saw you as someone who was kind and also quiet but willing to help people in need of help. Ah… let’s not talk about me. I feel that I’m the one who is boring not you.” Seeing that she was blushing I started to blush too.

After eating and having a good laugh with her, I asked her if she wanted to catch a movie with me, Twilight. She told me that one of her girlfriend had already booked her to watch that movie but insisted that we still go to the movies but catch a different movie.

On the bus to the shopping centre she fell asleep on my shoulder again; this girl either like my shoulder a lot or never got a good night sleep the night before but she really looks cute sleeping.

Wondering to myself; do I really like her or am I just using her as someone I can use; surely I am not the kind of person who would use another person for my own selfish desires. Should I give myself a chance with her? Why is it that everything’s moving so quickly these few days? But thinking about the situation, the person I should be with should be the one who is single. Why do I have to be the one breaking hearts to get to another and besides Michelle is actually quite a fun person to be with?

Reaching the shopping centre, I patted Michelle’s hand to wake her up. Opening her eyes I told her that we’ve reached. Walking down the bus I waited for her to get down the bus; stretching out my hand and held hers…

Holding back: Chapter 6

2008-12-20T19:40:00.003+08:00

I do like her so. It’s not like something that just started but instead it was something that slowly matured in to something more than just liking someone. I wanted her, I wanted to hold her so that she won’t be alone, I wanted to make her smile so that I can chase the sadness, I wanted to make her feel like a princess to make her know that she is very important to me; but I can’t.

What I will be doing goes against my beliefs but to do so will just be torturing for me; I love her and that was that.

Walking to my house, I was trying to rearrange my thoughts so that I wouldn’t look so lost when I do go home. I was in shock, pleasantly and also in quite a disturbed way. I now know the reasons; I can piece together the reasons why she always seems so happy with me, the reason why she can spend so much time with me. I must be one damn slow guy to miss all the signs; like hello? We are right in front of your damn face!

Feeling a multitude of different emotions made me lost, it seems like even I couldn’t convince myself to stop thinking for a second just so that I could have a decently looking face when I reach home. Deciding not to go home, I decided to get something that I haven’t gotten in a long while; cigarettes.

Drawing my first breath, I relaxed all my tense all my muscles and letting the smoke slowly out through my mouth. Feeling a bit more relaxed I took my second.

After a while I started to relax; being able to start thinking straight I decided that I would go and sleep after I went home.

Reaching home, my mother asked me whether Weiqi was feeling any better, telling her that she was, I proceeded to go and bath and sent to bed after soon.

“No matter how I ran towards her, no matter how hard I tried to move I just couldn’t. She was drowning I needed to do something but what could I do? I couldn’t even help myself, seeing her slipping into the water more and more I started to scream.”

“NOOOOOOOO!” waking up with a jolt, I tried to calm myself down; it was just a dream, calm down Yiwei nothing happened to her she going home tomorrow. She is safe, safe.

Not able to sleep well after the nightmare I decided to just go for a walking and calm myself down. Reaching downstairs I took out a cigarette and lighted it. I think at the end of the day the question comes back to what should I do now? I know that she is attached but she isn’t happy, so what should I do? Should I just do what my heart yearns for or should I just be the best friend? No matter what I choose someone will get hurt.

Choices why are there so many choices that I must make. Why can’t life be easier? Consequences of my decision will make people think that I am an evil person but even so I have to choose to free myself from all the headaches and nightmares.

I like her, I do. Why torture ourselves. I know that she likes me too and I know I like her too. I should really talk to her about this before anything.

But what about her boyfriend; should I ignore him and make that risk or should I just be a good person and ignore what I heard on that day.

I really, really need to know what I want.

Finishing my cigarette, I started to walk home.

“Yi~~~wei~~~, YI~~~ WEI~~~!!”

Getting the shock of my life I didn’t stop to turn to see who was calling me. Walking even faster in heard a laughter that belonged to someone that I knew; Michelle…

Turning to face her I said, “Ha-ha… very funny Michelle, anyways what are you doing here and at this unearthly hour?”

Laughing she told me that she lives just a few blocks away and usually if she couldn’t get to sleep she would talk a short walk to help her get to sleep. Coming closer to me she brushed arm against mine and asked me what I was doing here so late at night. Telling her that I was like her, she started laughing, saying that birds of the same feather flock together.

“You smoke? I didn’t know that.” Sounding shocked, she then gave me an evil grin. “Care to share one with me?”

“I should be the one asking you that questions and not you.” Taking out a stick I passed it to her and lighted the cigarette for her.

“You know, Yiwei, you look like you haven’t slept for days on end. And to boot you are smoking in the middle of the night alone. Is anything wrong?”

Walking towards a bench where I last was before I was spooked out of my skin, I told her that I had some problems falling asleep these few days and to try and relax myself I resorted to smoking. This was the first time that I’m actually opening up to her; maybe it was the cool night.

“You don’t mind me lying on your shoulder, do you?” laughing she said, “it’s been quite awhile since I last smoked and I am feeling quite nauseous.” Nodding to her request, she snuggled next to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

Taking the cigarette from her hand, I told her, “You know if you can’t take it I could bring you home? You’ll feel better at home rather than on a bench.”

“Nah, I think you’re shoulder will do fine till I recover.”

Letting her lie on my shoulder, I started to wonder; how can girls smell so good even without perfume. Looking at her, she turned and faced me; bringing her face closer to mine she kissed me. Shocked, I wanted to push her away be instead my body pulled her closer to me. I was enjoying it, but why?

“Ouch!” I clumsily burnt myself with the cigarette bud while kissing her.

Breaking from our embrace, she started laughing again.

“Yiwei, I like you a lot…”

Holding back: Chapter 5

2008-12-16T20:54:00.003+08:00

Why? Why is it that when there is someone in love, there is always a factor that will be holding back that love?

Walking to her ward I was having a moment of what the hell am I doing? I know she’s attached but that didn’t stop me from looking at her in the way I know was deemed inappropriate. Because I’ve known her for so long that I’ve never seen her as a friend but someone closer; but even so, shouldn’t see a person who was closer to a sister rather than a girl that I might be interested in?

Should I be the good guy I’ve always been or should I step out of my shell and think of her the way I wanted, always wanted. I guess there isn’t much I can do but be her good friend for now; she needs one more than a boyfriend.

Reaching her ward I saw that she was sleeping, I didn’t want to disturb her but didn’t want to leave either so instead I placed her snacks on her table and sat on the chair next to her bed. Looking at her sleep, she looked so different, unlike this morning; she looked at peace and also very pretty. I wanted to place my hand on her cheek; I wanted to kiss her soft cheeks. Right then I stopped myself from imagining anything else and stood up wanting to get some coffee. Boy was I tired. Yeah, right how can I lie to myself; I know that I wanted her; for my own.

Walking to the vending machine to get myself a cup of hot coffee, I caught a glimpse of Junjie. Panicking, I walked the other way so that he couldn't get a look at me. I hope he didn’t see me. Even so, I wondered what could he be doing here so late; didn’t they get into a fight just now?

No, I shouldn’t hide. I don’t want her to be hurt again. Turning around, I walked to where I last saw him.

“Hi Junjie.”

“Oh, hi Yiwei.”

He told me that he was just about to go visit her as well. Feeling very awkward, I ask him, “I was wondering, is everything between you and her ok? I know this will seem weird but I saw the both of you fighting this morning.”

“You saw?” hiding his face, “She didn’t tell you why we fought?”

“Huh? Tell me what?”

Not walking anymore, he turned to face me. He looked at me with a strange look on his face.

“Did you know that I love her a lot? But the funny part is the same cannot be the same for her. Did you know that she has had a crush on you for a long time? And did you know that no matter how hard I try, she has never really been mine?”

Not knowing what to say next, I just stared at him blankly.

“I think if you get my meaning, you’d just leave her be. Stop seeing her if possible? Thanks.”

With that he walked away. What should I do? It seems like the tables have turned. It wasn’t because he was making her angry and it was me that they were having the problem in the first place. Not knowing what to do, lost in my own thoughts, I just started walking…

Holding back: Chapter 4

2008-12-12T21:44:00.003+08:00

“How is she sir?” since I’ve reached the hospital an hour ago I heard nothing about Weiqi.

“She’s going to be just fine; she just passed out due to fatigue. Nothing to worry about; she’ll probably be out of here by 3pm tomorrow. You can see her now if you like.”

Thanking the doctor for telling me the good news, I went in the direction that the doctor came from. She was already awake when I went to look for her.

“Sorry to make you worry Yiwei, I’m so sorry…” tears started to flow from her eyes.

Going over to her, I hugged her and told her that it was alright. As long as she was alright, I didn’t really care much, I just wanted her to be safe.

“Err… if you hold me any tighter, I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to be in this hospital longer than expected.”

Saying sorry and letting her go, she started laughing and told me that I was always someone who didn’t know how to express his feelings with words.

Staying with her until her parents arrive, we talked about rubbish most of the time. I didn’t really want to ask her about what she wanted to talk about because I just didn’t want her to feel sad or worst; breakdown again.

At least she doesn’t look as sad as she was just now.

When her parents arrived they thanked me for looking after their daughter and also said that one of this days they would like to treat me to a nice meal, no matter how many times I tried to reject their offer, they persisted to say that it was only right for them to do that as their thanks.

As I left the ward, all of them bid me good bye and I told Weiqi to take good care of herself.

Feeling both relieved and happy, I left the hospital and headed home.

Waking up the next day I felt refreshed and also in quite a pleasant mood. I sent Weiqi a good morning message also asking her how she was feeling today.

A reply came soon after saying that she was feeling much better and that she would be discharged the next day for further observation.

Since it was a Saturday morning, I decided to go visit her. After a shower and also a quick meal, I left my house for the hospital.

Should I buy some tidbits for her? Deciding I should, I went to a provision shop near my house and bought some of her favorite snacks to munch on just in case she didn’t like the food they were serving.

Reaching her ward, I was just about to open the door, I saw her boyfriend with her. While they didn’t seem to be talking, I could sense the tension between them and decided this might not be the best of time to go barging in the room like an idiot.

Waiting outside, even though I felt that it would be inappropriate to just barge in, curiosity overwhelmed me; not knowing what had happened between them made me want to know even more.

I wanted to know; I needed to know. Should I or should I not?

I guess at some point of time during the discussion with myself, curiosity got the better of me and I went to peep through the looking glass. Finding that she was already alone, I missed the chance to find out what had happened.

Going in, I noticed that she was sobbing silently.

“Err…”

“Don’t talk to me! Oh, sorry Yiwei, I just thought that you were someone else.” She looked honestly shock with my presence.

Saying hello, I told her that I brought some snacks for her to munch on.

Thanking me, she said that it was a good thing that I bought snack because of the obvious reasons; the hospital’s food was horrible beyond compare.

Glad with myself that I choose to buy her the snacks, I proceeded to open a bag of chips for her.

“What did you do to your hair?!” I asked her teasingly.

“What? What wrong with my hair?!” being quite self conscience about her appearance, she started to pat her hair do and while she was doing that I started to laugh.

Telling her, with a wide grin on my face, that she really, really needed a comb badly, she started to roar at me.

While she was scolding me I started to laugh even harder and after a while she started laughing too.

“Thanks Yiwei.” She said with a genuine smile.

Telling her that it was okay and that she still needed a comb, she started hitting me with her pillow.

“Ouch, Haha… I’m just kidding! Ouch! Okay, okay! I’ll stop teasing you. Haha...” she started to laugh again.

“I’m sorry that I shouted at you just now, I thought that you were Junjie.”

“Is there anything that you want to say to me? You know you can tell me right?”

“I just…” a nurse came in and told us that it was time for her medicine, after passing Weiqi her medicine, the nurse left.

I had to make a move soon as I had work that afternoon, cursing my damn luck, I told Weiqi that I’d come during the night to bring her more snacks and we could talk later as for now I told her to rest and not think too much about anything.

Saying goodbye to her, I took a last glance at her before leaving the room. She had the same face she had a few nights ago when she first hugged me below her block. Waving at her through the looking glass I quickened my pace to the train station.

On the train to work, I recalled her last words before she was interrupted I wonder what could she have wanted to tell me? What was in her heart that she wanted to share; I guess I have to wait till later to find out…

Hey yo readers, I wont be free this weekend so there's a possibility that the next post well resume on Monday, i hope i can finish the chapter by then. Till den STAY TUNED!!!

Holding back: Chapter 3

2008-12-10T20:39:00.000+08:00

No one is prefect no matter how much one tries but without even trying people can be selfish. It’s a wonder how something evil seems to always be the easier way out. No matter how good a person maybe, there is always something evil all the good he shows; only thing holding it back is a mask that’s shackled by heavy chains.

Lying on my bed thinking of what just happened I felt that I shouldn’t be thinking of her like this, she already has someone that she loves. Even so, no matter what I do I am still thinking about her. Why did she do that yesterday night; why is it that I cannot just leave it as it is; nothing?

What did I expect would happen? Nothing will happen, she's happy with who she's with right now, why would she be thinking about me, I am just average looking, don’t really have money and can't even come close to be compared with her boyfriend which is the total opposite of me, handsome, rich, a nice guy and loving?

Argh! Enough of this! My test is tomorrow; I should be studying and not pondering on something I cannot come up with an answer to.

Waking up in the middle of the night I realize that I fell asleep on my note. Boy, my neck is stiff. Getting ready to dive onto my bed I heard a beep from my mobile; checking it I found that she called me and also left me a text saying, “Are you ok? You seem to be avoiding me the whole day today… Did I do something to upset you? Please just tell me and not let me think that I did if I didn’t do anything. =x Calls me soon ok? Hugs”

Why am I smiling? Should I call her now and tell her nothing is wrong? No; I shouldn’t it is already three in the morning. Ah, I’ll just leave her a text saying that she didn’t do anything to upset me and everything was okay.

Oh, I feel retarded; smiling in the middle of the night over nothing.

Waking up feeling lethargic, I really, really don’t feel like going to school. Nothing would make me happier than to skip school and not take the test, but that’s just a dream of a dream. Whatever it was, I still have to attend class rain or shine, which sucks.

The test was a killer, great, just great. Not only was I moody today, I was moody and pissed.

“Hey! How was the test? Nothing difficult for you, right?” what great luck I am having today first a killer then a stalker.

“Err, it was okay, not really as easy as I thought it would be, how about you? How do you think you'd fare?” I asked Michelle.

“Mmm, most likely gonna fail it. Haha, hope I don’t though?”

She continues on about the questions asked and what I answered and suddenly asked me whether I wanted to eat with her so that she could discuss the questions in greater detail.

It wouldn’t be nice to say no to her and leave her alone so I agreed. The thing about her was that no matter where I might be, I would bump into her, even outside of school. Either it was just pure coincidence or she has been following me around.

Even though she can be quite irritating at times, she can still be a nice person to share a laugh with. After lunch, we went our separate ways to class.

Having to spend the rest of the day in class was something that I really dread. An hour more, I just have to wait for another hour and I’ll be out of this hell hole.

With another thirty more minutes to go I felt my mobile vibrating, checking my mobile, I saw that Weiqi was calling me.

“Hello?” I whispered “I’m still in class right now.”

“Can you come out of class now? I really need to talk to someone. Please?” sounding like she could start crying any minute.

Telling her that I would be there in a few moments, I quickly packed my stuff and rushed out class telling the lecturer that I had something on and that I had to leave now.

Seeing her outside class, she seems so lifeless and so fragile like she could just breakdown at any point of time.

“Hi”, she said in a small voice.

“You seem like you could die at anytime, what happened? Anyway before that let get out of school first.”

“Okay…”

While walking out of school, I turned back to take a look at why she was walking so slowly, to my horror I saw her lying on the floor. Rushing to her, I fumbled with my mobile calling for an ambulance. Checking on her I was relieve to find that she was still breathing but she seemed paler than she was just a few minutes ago.

I felt very hopeless at that moment as I couldn’t do anything to help her but wait for the ambulance to get her to the hospital.

Please, please hurry up…

Holding back: Chapter 2

2008-12-08T22:21:00.000+08:00

To think that everything is possible. When I was younger, there was a toy that I really wanted but did not have the money to buy it; so I stole it, but ever since that day, I've never stopped feeling guilty that I did.

She seems okay today, nothing out of the ordinary; just as if nothing had happen the night before.

It could be just because she thought I was someone else, her boyfriend, or just something I should not even be thinking of.

I've wanted to ask her what happened the night before but I just didn't have the guts to ask about the night before.

"You... okay? You've been spacing out the whole day today. Hmm." I told her that it was just cause i didn't have enough sleep the night before, which was true to a certain extent.

"Oh.. You've just been studying too had most of the time. You should really have a break once in a while.... Stop studying and start SLEEPING!!" slapping my back while telling me that.

The rest of the day passed excrutiatingly slowly. No matter how i try to distract myself to think about something else, my mind keeps on going back to what happened the night before. I really feel that thinking too much will kill me very soon; if i don't ask her soon, I'll sooner or later think myself to death. Okay, I'll go look for her after classes have ended.

After classes ended, I made my way to her class, but even before I could reach her class i saw her with her boyfriend Junjie; without even thinking i turned the other way and walked away before she noticed me.

"Yiwei!" Spinning round on reflex to hearing my name, I saw them hand in hand.

"Yo! Where are you going in such a rush. You know that you could at least look for me and we could go home together."

I told her that I had something on and without waiting for a reply, walked away as normally as possible.

Boy am I in a confused state of mind. First she hugs me then the next day I see her with her boyfriend. Couldn't the world be a little more similiar to understand? What did last night mean, or did it have no meaning to begin with? Should I just forget that it happened or should I harp on about this matter till the end of time?

ARGH........... She's always been a good friend to me, hugging me doesn't have to mean anything just like what she said, nothing. But why do I feel so pissed off for? Why was i feeling so excited when i was walking to her class?

Have I fallen for her?

Holding back: Chapter 1

2008-12-05T15:03:00.001+08:00

Looking at her, becoming intoxicated with her warm scent; I just wished that time could just choose to stop that that moment. To be with her now was a sin, but a sin that I was willing to bear.

The sin of being around her was that of lust; how could one just fall in love with someone who has already found another? But even if it was a sin to bear, I wanted her, to hold in my arm, to kiss and to love. Was it even possible?

Even though at a first glance she might seem to be just another plain Jane, getting to know her more, the more intriguing she becomes. She isn’t someone who lets people get close but when she does, she shows you a multitude facets of herself, the strength, the anger, the passion, to cute little insecure girl; there are just too many to explain, too much to learn and too much to fall in love with.

The way she moves around reminds me of the graceful movement of a cat, the way she looks at you just makes you want to look deep into her eyes. The beauty that she exudes isn’t something that that people will catch but if you look long and deep enough it is always there.

This is the first time in my lonely life that I have found something in someone that I want for myself, it was something that wasn’t just a physical attraction but more of an attraction that couldn’t be explain with only works. It was a feeling that would have been able to make me smile just by seeing her.

Feeling sleepy, I went through the notes I was currently studying, there was still much left that I didn’t understand or left out because it was too difficult to fathom, but looking up at the wall clock, it was nearing 2 a.m. in the morning, shock at how much time has passed.

“Do you think we should continue on tomorrow Miss Tan Weiqi?? It’s already 2 in the morning, aren’t you even feeling sleepy at all??”

“Now that you mentioned it, I am pretty bushed. Time to go back to my room, and Mr. Lim Yiwei, being tired doesn’t grant you the freedom of not sending me back home you know?”

“Do I have to??” but even before I could finish my sentence, she gave me those eyes that I couldn’t say no to, “Oh alright, thank god you live like five minutes away from here…”

Walking her to her block was something I'm use to do since we have grew up together in the same neighborhood ever since we were in secondary school so sending her home was not something that was unusual.

As we were approaching her block, she suddenly stopped and turn to me, which happened too abruptly causing me to bump into her.

"Opps, I'm sorry girl. I didn't..." I couldn't continue the next line because she just hugged me out of no where.

I wanted to hug her back but the thought of betrayal ran through me stopping me from hugging her back.

Damn.

"What's wrong girl? You know that you can tell me right?", but silence was all she gave me as a reply.

Letting her hug me for a while longer, she released her hug on me and told me that it was nothing wrong and that it was just a reward for sending her home.

I sent her to to her apartment and waited till her was safe before bidding her goodnight.

As I was walking back home, I was just thinking to myself why did she do that? And why did she sound so sad when she told me that it was nothing. Should I just ignore what she told me or should I ask her again when i do get the a chance?

With that thought hammering at my mind, I slowly drafted off to a place where I saw her smiling at me...